I stumbled out of bed at a quarter to six, hit my head on the over hanging bunk, staggered into the bathroom and stood under the shower until someone banged on the door telling me to hurry up. On the side of the sinks bench was the towel rail and on that was my warm and fluffy towel waiting for me. I wrapped it around my waist and opened the door letting steam out of the room. A monster groaned and waved his arms around like a maniac making the steam go away. The half naked zombie ran his hand through his hair. "Why must you be so sexy?" Sora slammed the door to the bathroom and woke Osore. Osore sat straight up and babbled something. Water trickled down my face and I slicked my bangs out of my face. My eyes wondered over to Miyuki's bed. It was empty and perfectly made. I looked at the time, it was unusual for Miyuki to be up this early. Osore yawned "Good morning Arashi. Jesus Christ dude, put something clothes on." Osore has always been the politest one out of our posse. I smirked and walked over to the closet. We had one part of the closet each. One draw and one section of the pole where you hang your clothes. It's interesting about how you can tell ones personality by how they organize their clothes. For example, Osore's section of the wardrobe is perfectly neat and tidy, Miyuki's section is neat but their are a few shirts that have been crumpled, Sora's draw looks more like a washing basket and all the stuff that's meant to be hanging up is on the floor and mine, it's neat and tidy, just unorganized. I took my uniform out of the closet and placed it upon my bed. To amuse myself, I took my towel straight off around my waist in front of Osore. I laughed, but he just frowned in disgust. I sat on my bed and put my watch on, it was a rolex that my dad had bought me for my sixteenth birthday. Sora stepped out of the bathroom and looked at me sitting on my bunk naked. He blushed bright red and shut himself back into the bathroom. I heard the door lock. Osore and I bellowed in laughter. After a moment, Osore cleared his throat and went on doing what he usually does. I through my bonds high top boxers on, slipped my shirt on, but didn’t bother doing the buttons up just yet and pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans that had a rip in them under the knee. I didn’t bother buttoning them up either.
I walked into the living area of our dorm. I was tired, still wet from my shower and hungry. Not a good mix. A snore snorted from the sofa infront of the television. Miyuki was sound asleep. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night. We must of got back to the dorm in the early hours, I had been so tired I wouldn’t of noticed Miyuki not go to bed. He looked like hell, but in strangely a cute way. Dark circles were under his eyes and he needed a shave. That boy wasn’t use to going to bed late obviously. His sandy surfer hair covered his left eye and was a mess. I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. He breathed out my name, opening his eyes slightly looking straight at my crotch. What a lovely thing to see when you wake up? Sun poured through the windows open curtains. Miyuki pulled a cushion over his face and complained for another 5 minutes of sleep. I walked up the window and looked down. The ground looked far far away. I inhaled a breath of salty sea breeze and went into the kitchen, and boiled the kettle. After steam ejected from the kettle and I could hear the bubbles running rampage is the jug, I poured it into a tea cup. I dunked a bag of green tea around in my cup for a moment until tea started to flow from the bag. From the over head cupboard I took out a packet of raw sugar. I checked my rolex, it read twenty nine past six. As soon as the second hand past the twelve, Osore walked out of the bedroom into the living area. He didn't say a word as he walked straight out of the dorm. Two seconds later, he turned with the school news paper. "Tea?" I offered. "No thanks, coffee would be good though." He plonked himself down on a stool at the breakfast table, as I made him a instant coffee. Osore walked over to the refrigerator, he returned with a jug of milk. He poured it into his black coffee turning it into white coffee. He then emptied 4 servings of white sugar into his coffee. I took a sip of my tea, it burnt my tongue instantly as the boiling liquid rolled over my tongue. A loud thump came from the sofa. Miyuki had rolled off. I guess he wasn’t used to sleeping in such a small arrangement. “Good morning Miyuki” Osore said from behind his paper. “Good isn’t the right word.” He murmured and slouched off into the bedroom.
Osore read the newspaper to me, but I wasn’t listening. I finished my tea and put the cup into the sink and rinsed it. After some time Sora strutted into the room booming with a great smile. He looked completely different to the zombie I saw earlier in the morning. You’d be amazed by what a quick jerk off can do to a guys mood. Unlike Osore and I, Sora made himself a hot chocolate and got a cookie. “You need to seriously listen to my advice Arashi.” “What advice is that, may I ask?” I raised my eyebrow at Sora. “Oh you’ve forgotten? The whole stop being so sexy thing. One day, I might end out tackling you and-” “That’s enough Sora. But Arashi, do wear you clothes more often please.” We chuckled and drank our beverages. Sora winked at me and walked over to the sofa and began to watch cartoons. I’d always remembered Sora as the kid who never acted his age. Like in primary school, he’d be the one who acted so grown up. But now that we’re in our late teens he acts like a little kid.
At twelve past eight we were almost ready to leave the dorm. I was planning on hitting the running track before class started. “Hurry up!” Osore complained. “I’m meant to be meeting up with Haruhi at quarter past” Even after being in high school for two years. I still hadn’t managed to master the mad skill of tie tying. So I got Osore to do it for me as usual. For the entire morning Miyuki had been unusually quiet. It wasn’t the same without his stupid but hilarious and uncalled for remarks. The feeling made my stomach lurch. We all stood around the front door with our bags waiting for Sora to find his left red plaid Chuck Taylor. It still puzzled me why he didn’t just wear one of his other pairs. He had seven of them. I was wearing my Chuck Taylor’s too. One orange and one blue with corresponding shoe laces. We left the dorm at seventeen past eight. Miyuki went off in the same direction as Osore. They were meeting up with Haruhi, Fuyu and Yume. Sora and I went downstairs towards the jogging track. Last nights rain had made a mess of it, it stopped Sora from running. He complained that a slippery track isn’t good for the uncoordinated. But it didn’t stop me
First period I had Geography with Mr. Hatsune. Mr. Hatsune is prehistoric, balding and grumpy. He doesn’t have a wife, according to the absence of a ring. Along with that, who’d want to date a man with about four steel gray strands of hair and a stomach equal to a pregnant woman’s? Maybe the fact that he hasn’t been laid in a while is why he is always grumpy. Geography class eleven A was for the smarter kids. The school says they don’t have classes based on prodigies.
But we know that’s a lie. Yume and I always have had Geography A on Tuesday mornings first and second period. I took my seat next to Yume. Once again, the tables and chairs seemed smaller then the previous year. “It looks like someone crapped on you.” Yume grinned flicking his bleached silver bangs away from his face. I looked down to my jeans. Mud had splattered all over them from my run earlier. A simple akanbe shut Yume up. Mr. Hatsune walked into the classroom, slamming a pile of books onto his desk. “This semester we will be studying the United Kingdom. That means, cups of tea, leprechauns and the Queen..” Yume’s grin expanded. Yume hadn’t lived in Rainshore for his whole life, he’d moved from London when he was 14. “But today we will be doing revision on the United States of America.” Mr. Hatsune said with a smile. Yume hit his head on the table with a frown. About five minutes into the lesson Yume had lost attention in the fifty states of the United States. I found California interesting though, you could get fried cheesecake and Oreos there. Yume thrusted his index finger, that had been painted black, into my arm repeatedly until I drew my attention to him. “Do you still play guitar?” He said with his British accent strong in the word guitar. “Yeah, do you still play the piano?” Yume flexed his long fingers and tapped the table swiftly. “Mhm‘, I’ve gotten’ pretty good now tah’. We should colab’ some time eh’?” “Yeah, that would be sweet.” We grinned. “Do you think Mr. Ongaku would allow us to use the grand piano?” “He should, I’d think.” “Mr. Ito and Mr. Kawashima, would you like to spend your lunch time in detention?” Mr. Hatsune glared at us. “No sir.” We mumbled in unity. “Then I’d recommend you stop chattering.” When Mr. Hatsune turned his back to the class and started writing out all the states, we both akanbe’d him and cracked up in a stifle of laughter.
After lunch, I walked down the corridor holding my binder book under one arm and time table in my hand. The time table read that I had extended English with Ms Kazokuwa. She was a new teacher for me. I knew nothing about her. Along with that, none of my friends were in my class. What a bland year this is going to be. I climbed the stairs with blank stares from other senior students that I briefly knew. I stepped into room 16A. It was simple. Clean double seating tables were in rows of three, a scrolling chalk board with English written on it in a messy scrabble, the teachers wooden desk sat in the front corner of the room, her laptop was sitting upon the desk with a empty black leather chair behind it. Several students were already seated looking eager not to learn. I went to sit at a table, but a name tag on it, printed in bold capital letters, said I couldn't. I rolled my eyes, it was like elementary school all over again. After prowling the classroom looking for my seat I finally found it. It was placed in the back corner of the classroom against a window. I sat down placing my binder on the desk. Being curious, too see if I'd recognize the person who'd I have sitting next to me, I looked at the name. Yoshihisa Ame. I'd heard the name Ame before, but I didn't recognize it. It sounded like a girls name to me. Students slowly filled the classroom but no one sat next to me. Ms Kazokuwa entered the classroom, her presence uttered the class to be quiet. She looked not much older then twenty five. Her clear ray bands framed her face along with her hair. it was bleach blonde with black on the bottom and some black re-growth. She sat in the leather chair and flipped open her laptop. An elegant silhouette glowed green on the front of the laptop. "Hatori?" Ms Kazokuwa called out pleasantly, a girl raised her hand. "Nakamuro?" The teacher made her way down the list. "Ito?" She glanced up from the laptop. I raised my hand sluggishly. She recited two more names in a robotic tone, then she read my mysterious neighbors. "Yoshihisa?" The classroom door flew open making a creaking noise, blowing a breeze of wind at a few kids who were seated near the door. A boy with dark blue hair that was almost black stood in the door way. He spoke with a husky distant voice. "Present." "Yoshihisa Ame. You're late, please hurry and take your seat next to Ito Arashi please." The teacher growled. He just stood there, oblivious to who I was. "Near the back window Yoshihisa." She pointed to the table of which I was sitting at. He pursed his lips and made his way over to sit next to me. When he sat down he stared at my feet. I looked at them too wondering if there was something wrong with them. "Nice chucks" He grinned. A wash of light smoker’s breath covered me as he spoke less distant then earlier. "Thanks?" I said taking the just smile approach. He was also wearing chucks, they were navy blue, but they were also knee-highs. Ame pulled at his hair sideways making it spike out even more then it was. He swept a piece behind his ear. In his ear, there was a nail. It was unsettling, but then I realized it was just a taper. He pulled out a black textbook from his bag and placed it on the table. A rain cloud was drawn on the cover of his book; it appeared to me that it was dripping blue blood. Inside the cloud was Ame’s family name in a graffiti sort of font. “So you’re the infamous Arashi” He mumbled. How did he know who I was? And since when had I been infamous. I raised an eyebrow but I didn’t look at him. “You’re Yoshida’s fiancé.” That stroke a cord. I looked at him. He had soft navy blue eyes and they we’re staring at me. “You know Kasumi?” “Yeah, but only briefly. You see, he had a locker next to me at Rainshore Pubic. We’ve never had a proper conversation. Only when I’d forgot the code to my locker.” I exhaled. What if he noticed me grimacing or the guilt that was vaporing out of my pours. The teacher began to speak. She announced to us that we we’re going to do a reading assignment and study the zodiac. The girl named Hitori passed out a book to every student for the teacher. To my amazement, it was a manga. “Fruits Basket?” A confused student called out without permission. “That’s right Mr. Enokido. We’re going to be studying myths and legends from our childhoods. More preferably known as bed time stories. In fruits basket a girl named Tohru is told about the 13 zodiac. I got acquired the position as your English teacher because I am not that much older then you all. But that does not mean we will not be doing boring book reviews on it too. I’ll be nice though and we can watch the anime at the end of term.” Ms Kazokuwa smiled to the class. I opened the manga and began reading. I knew the plot line, I’d watched the anime before, just like probably everyone else in the class. Ame nudged my arm with his elbow. “Kyo or Yuki?” He whispered and winked at me. I flicked my hair from my face. I tried to ignore him but he kept on poking my arm, I sighed “Niether, I like Haru.” The class read in silence after that.
Once class had ended, I collected my books and slipped Fruits Basket into a pocket in my binder. Ame had disappeared but I swore I had saw his converse peak out from the side in the doorway. I trotted down the empty stairs alone, although I couldn't help but feel that someone was following me. I made my way down the corridor. Damn, I thought. I forgot to refill my school bank account this year for food. fifth and sixth period are going to be pleasurable on an empty stomach. I walked into the dining hall. Everyone was seated at a classic wooden oak table on the left side flanks. Ame was sitting on a table next to it, alone. He was listening to his iPod with his legs up on the other chairs so no one could see. He looked at me and slid his white shutter shades, they hid his eyes and expression. But I still saw that he winked at me. I sat at the only remaining seat next to Sora and Yume. "How was English?" Sora spluttered and sent pieces of yellow and green flying. "It was interesting." I said shielding my face from the egg and lettuce sandwich bullets. "Hmm?" Osore said removing his eyes from Haruhi's chest, I'd call him a pervert. But... She did have big breasts, she couldn't see the floor because of them. "'I had that guy sitting next to me." I discreetly pointed to Ame. "Oh he's cute" Sora said loudly staring at him. Fuyu and Haruhi turned their attention to him as well. "Look at him, with his ripped skinny jeans, lip piercing, blue hair and iPod." "What a rebel!" Fuyu, Haruhi and Sora giggled together. "Anyone have ICT class next?" Miyuki asked playing with his obento. "Nope." "Nuh." "No." "Sorry." "Ew" We all replied harmoniously. "I have PE." Sora exclaimed slamming his head against the table numerous times. "So do I." Sora's eyes lit up to my response. "Do you know what we will be doing?" "Yeah, swimming. Why?" "Crap." Sora did the hole shifty eye thing and poked Fuyu's arm. "Do you still have that water proof concealer?" "Duh, I did the last time you asked remember?" She pulled a black makeup case from out of no where and gave it to Sora. He blushed when he took it. "Why did he need make-up" I murmured out loud by accident, luckily the bell sounded as I said it.
Once class had ended, I collected my books and slipped Fruits Basket into a pocket in my binder. Ame had disappeared but I swore I had saw his converse peak out from the side in the doorway. I trotted down the empty stairs alone, although I couldn't help but feel that someone was following me. I made my way down the corridor. Damn, I thought. I forgot to refill my school bank account this year for food. fifth and sixth period are going to be pleasurable on an empty stomach. I walked into the dining hall. Everyone was seated at a classic wooden oak table on the left side flanks. Ame was sitting on a table next to it, alone. He was listening to his iPod with his legs up on the other chairs so no one could see. He looked at me and slid his white shutter shades, they hid his eyes and expression. But I still saw that he winked at me. I sat at the only remaining seat next to Sora and Yume. "How was English?" Sora spluttered and sent pieces of yellow and green flying. "It was interesting." I said shielding my face from the egg and lettuce sandwich bullets. "Hmm?" Osore said removing his eyes from Haruhi's chest, I'd call him a pervert. But... She did have big breasts, she couldn't see the floor because of them. "'I had that guy sitting next to me." I discreetly pointed to Ame. "Oh he's cute" Sora said loudly staring at him. Fuyu and Haruhi turned their attention to him as well. "Look at him, with his ripped skinny jeans, lip piercing, blue hair and iPod." "What a rebel!" Fuyu, Haruhi and Sora giggled together. "Anyone have ICT class next?" Miyuki asked playing with his obento. "Nope." "Nuh." "No." "Sorry." "Ew" We all replied harmoniously. "I have PE." Sora exclaimed slamming his head against the table numerous times. "So do I." Sora's eyes lit up to my response. "Do you know what we will be doing?" "Yeah, swimming. Why?" "Crap." Sora did the hole shifty eye thing and poked Fuyu's arm. "Do you still have that water proof concealer?" "Duh, I did the last time you asked remember?" She pulled a black makeup case from out of no where and gave it to Sora. He blushed when he took it. "Why did he need make-up" I murmured out loud by accident, luckily the bell sounded as I said it.
"Let's go." Sora said in a hurry. He grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him to the dormitories. He even made me jog up the stairs. I unlocked our dorm and put the keys in the dish next to the refrigerator. Sora quickly ran into the bathroom and shut the door. By then I'd only thrown my bag down on the floor and was looking for a cookie to nibble on. I kicked off my sneakers and stripped myself from my jeans. I stood in the living area struggling to get my tie and shirt off. But I finally got it. I searched the bedroom for my board shorts, they were no where to be found. I knocked on the bathroom door, there wasn't an answer so I went straight in. There Sora stood, mortified. He dropped the concealer and covered his hip. "Can I help you?" He asked nervously, turning his right side away from me. "Can I help you?" I asked back softly. Sora shrunk to the floor, and covered his face with his free hand. His shoulder length black hair covered the rest of his face like a black curtain. I crouched down next to him and went to take his hand off his hip. A burning pain hit my face, Sora had slapped me. "I'm so sorry." Sora sobbed. "What are you hiding from me?" "Something that could get me expelled." A tear fell from his veil of black hair. I lifted his chin up so I could see his face. A tear fell from one of his beautiful Crystal blue eyes. I slowly moved my hand to his that was sitting on his hip, he was aware of what I was doing. When my hand landed tenderly on his, our fingers entwined. Sora bit his lip and closed his eyes. Delicately, I pulled his hand away from his hip. And there it was, a forked violet lightening bolt had been printed onto his hip, only a thin layer of conclearer was on it so far. So that was what he needed Fuyu's make-up for. "Why'd you do it Sora?" I sat properly on the tiled bathroom floor next to him, still holding his ivory colored hand; it was smooth and silky. "Because of Raided" His voice cracked and he held his head down low. I caressed at his hand "Who's that Sora?" My teeth sunk into my lip, I had to ask, his state of mind was worrying me. I knew that Sora wasn't that naive to get a tattoo without reasoning. "You remember in eighth grade how I was playing the piano then suddenly stopped?" He looked at me, his eyes were wet from the pain of this memory he was sharing. "My teacher was Raiden." He paused moving into the comfort of my arms. "I fell in love with him, he was so playful yet he had a such a lax nature. He was stubborn too, he'd make me keep on practicing the same piece in one lesson until I got it right, no matter how much I begged and complained. Now that I think about it, he was a lot like you Arashi." He gave my hand a squeeze, I squeezed back. "I insisted that he was in love with me too in my head, but I was only a kid ya' know? I still remember the first time he kissed me like it was yesterday. We were at my house practicing, I was sitting on the chair at the piano and he was standing behind me. His arms were placed upon mine and he was holding them, our hands were like how ours were. One on top of the other fingers entwined. It was a new piece that I was learning, so Raiden would guide my hands and arms to which keys to press. I learnt the song quite quickly, when I got it right the first time, I was so happy. I just turned to him and smiled. Then his lips were on mine, they were so velvety and amazing." Sora closed his eyes and seemed to of gotten drunk off the thought. But he snapped back into when I squeezed his hand. "Eh. Rumors somehow got out that Raiden was having a sexual relationship with someone under age so he just disappeared. I got the ink done at the end of last year. I'd saw him in the mall car park after a movie I went to with Yume. It had been late at night so I freaked out when he came up behind me and hugged me. Raiden was the only person to call me by my English name, so I knew it was him when he'd said 'Skye'" Sora pressed his ear against my chest and snuggled into my in my arms. "I hadn't called at taxi yet, so we started talking, somehow we ended up at his car. He still had this fire in his golden eyes, they controlled me. Next thing I knew I was being pinned up against his car with Raiden's tongue down my throat. Then we we're in his car banging to music that was playing on the radio.." Sora blushed and looked up at me. I stared softly back down at him, what if I was like Raiden? His name did mean thunder and lightening, storm isn't much of a difference. "After we'd done it, he drove me home. Not to mention the quick blow job i gave him once we got there. Then he'd told me I was never going to see him ever and that was the last time he was going to hurt me. I was such a wreck after that. So I promised myself that I'd never forget him and that's why I got the tattoo." Warm tears slid onto my chest. “How’s your heart beat always so calm? Mine goes spastic all the time?” Sora asked smiling, it was nice to see his mood shift even though his bipolar was giving me whiplash. “Years of practice” I chuckled. “You’re like a complete duplicate of Raiden, yet you’re so different. It’s retarded.” Sora sighed, another shift. My brain took another whooshing of ultimate confusion. Sora rolled over, pinning me down. “Retarded.” He breathed. I wrapped my hands around his neck pulling his face closer to mine, his lips closer to mine. He turned his head to the side and moved closer. At that moment Kasumi was the furthest thing from my mind. I pressed my lips against Sora’s. They tasted salty with tears, but what was I doing other then comforting his tears?
Trustless -unfinished-
A hand stroked my face. I groaned. Someone had woken me. I squinted my eyes open the tiniest bit. It was pitch black. I relaxed my eyes and attempted to go back to sleep. It had to be early hours of the morning. Nothing probably touched my face. A weight rested on my waist. For Christ sake, I was trying to sleep. Warm fast breath hovered near my face. Was I dreaming? My eyes flashed open again. Nothing, just darkness. The figure hovering over me gasped, it must have seen me open my eyes. It leaned off of my chest and I re-closed my eyes. Its breathing slowed and it decided to lean back on my chest. Tender lips softly brushed against mine. This couldn’t be a dream I think. No, it must be. Who could it be kissing me if it wasn’t a dream? Kasumi is probably sleeping soundly at home. No other guys at my school are openly gay, a few are bi like Sora, but it wouldn‘t be them. It couldn’t be Osore, he’s dating Haruhi. It couldn’t be Miyuki either, he was straight. And I doubt a girl got into my dorm. I didn’t tell my lips to kiss back, they just did. When the person’s lips parted and so did mine. Our tongues tips met each other. A sweet taste flooded through my mouth. My hands lifted from the bed and took hold of their waist. They were wearing nothing but boxers. It had to be a guy. His hands moved under my singlet along my stomach. Our lips still hadn’t parted completely, so I was moaning into his mouth. “I love you Arashi.”
My eyes opened and I pushed the person off of me. It wasn’t Kasumi who I had been kissing. It was Miyuki. After a few moments my eyes adjusted to the light. He sat on my waist looking deep into my eyes. I was about to scream when he put a hand over my mouth. Sora slept grumbled a few words and rolled over in his bed. I’ve never been so confused in my life. I glared at Miyuki, I was so angry at him. Miyuki? Straight, girl loving Miyuki? He had kissed me! And told me he loved me! I’d of been a touch less confused if it was Sora, he was bi. But Miyuki? I didn’t understand. He went to lean on me again. I had to push against his chest with my hands to stop him. His heat beat hammered quickly as I stopped pushing him away from him. His bare chest, his heart, they were in my hands.
Since we were kids, Miyuki had been my best friend. The one who stood by my side through my parents’ divorce, through losing Tsukiko, through the accident, through all those weeks in hospital, and through Mika. It had been Miyuki, every step of the way. Entangling his fingers with mine he pinned me down. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t. He breathed his husky breath onto my neck. “We need to talk.” it was more of a secret plea than a statement, but overall it was the truth. Tears swelled up in my eyes and I refaced Miyuki. What if I were to lose him? Our foreheads leant against one another. He was waiting for my answer. “You’re right. But not here” I glanced at the other side of the room where Sora was sleeping and above me where Osore was. “Not here indeed.” Miyuki touched his lips against mine again. If only I could cry out for him to stop. Why didn’t I cry out for him to stop? Why couldn’t I stop him from kissing him? Why couldn’t I stop myself from kissing him? I leant my head back away from his and eyed the bunk bed above me. Random poems and drawings I had written and drawn with a sharpie were looking untouched. Some must have been there since I was a freshman because my hand writing was so messy in several. Unknowingly and mistakenly, I was exposing my jaw to Miyuki. His lips skimmed against it. Then they pressed harder. Then they began to suck on it. Something wet slid down my cheek and onto the pillow. Could it be a tear? Was it from happiness or sadness? Regret or guilt? Fear or confidence? I couldn’t tell.
We crept outside of our dorm, and slowly slid down the three flights of stairs that separated us from the library. Miyuki closed his eyes and pushed on the door softly. It clicked open. It was darker than the corridors in the library. The black shapes the filled the room were bookshelves, full of books that were collecting dust. We walked in silence to the far end of the library. A warm glow came into view, we both froze. I swore that I could hear Miyuki's heart beat. "Hello?" A small girl's voice whispered. I felt all the muscles in my body relax. "Who's there?" She trembled. "Just some juniors, who are you?" Miyuki mumbled. "I'm Kaeda, you're not going to snitch on me are you? I'm only a freshman." I let out a small gruff laugh at the girl. "No we're not going to snitch on you if you're not going to snitch on us." I smiled into the darkness. The glow from before returned. "Thanks." Kaeda whispered from the glow of light. We walked past Kaeda and gave her a wave as we found the end of the library. I smiled and saw what had been there ever since our freshman year. I pushed my shoulder against the bookshelf full of books and revealed the wall behind. The small broken window was looking alot smaller than it did last year but I heaved my body threw it.
Tear drops floated through the wind, from the clouds and the night skies out of my reach. The crashing of the waves echoed around us even however we were not anywhere near the beach yet. That is where we were heading though. The rain flattened my light brunette hair but made Miyuki’s blonde hair 10 times thicker. As we walked in silence Miyuki’s hand bumped against mine. A soft sea breeze whipped in our direction, sprinkling a mist of water onto my face. Miyuki’s fingers took mine and tried to entwine with mine. I shook it off as if I did not notice and wiped my bangs out of my eyes. It wasn’t that they bothered me; it was that Miyuki’s emerald eyes were staring at me. The crashing of waves got louder as we approached the beach. The tide was fairly much so in, so there wasn’t much sand to sit on. We took our seats on the stairs that cradled around the entire beach. An awkward silence filled my ears, I had to say something. “So what was earlier about?” I didn't have to look at him to know tears had swelled up in his beautiful green eyes, it was his voice. "Everything." He whispered. "We're in junior year now; I've known you since before I was walking. Christ, I think we would have met each other whilst you were in the womb. However, Kasumi, you only met him a few years ago. I still remember the first day you came to school." I smiled and interrupted him. "Some 6th graders were calling me names and you walked right up to biggest one of them and punched him in the face." "I got a black eye and split lip because of that thanks" He grinned, his teeth shined in the dark light. Miyuki's grin softened and turned into a straight line. "What?" "Your lips, they look so...” My eyes widened, I had thought aloud. I stopped looking at Miyuki and pouted, turning my attention to the sea. "That tone of pink suits you" Miyuki teased, I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Why'd Kasumi get so lucky? If I could choose, only one person to be envious of it would be Kasumi. No, Shun, No Kasumi." All emotion had left his voice. "Why's that?" my curious mouth asked. Miyuki scoffed, "Why do you think? He's aloud to kiss you, hug you, hold you..." His voice slowly drifted out to the ocean in deep thought. I felt my hand squeeze Miyuki's upper thigh. How did my hand get there? Moreover, what was I doing? Miyuki’s head turned from the waves to me, I looked back at him. “Arashi...” His blonde wavy hair blew in the wind looking more brunette than blonde in the rain. “Yeah?” I swept the bangs out of his face and he took a hand of my wrist. Our faces will centimeters from each other’s. “Kiss me.” Miyuki said closing his eyes, I closed mine too.
Timeless
The last week of holidays with Kasumi had gone way to fast. Before I knew it, I was packing my suitcase for school. I stood in front of the mirror and swept my fringe out my eyes, only to have it fall back. I took my tie from the counter and attempted to put it on. Struggling to tie it, I gave up. As soon as I let it go, it fell to the ground. “Biggest fail” Kasumi was leaning against the door frame giggling. He was so lucky; his school didn’t have any uniform policies. Whilst my school had full uniform, socks included. I leaned over and picked up the tie. It was my school colours, crimson and navy blue. Kasumi wondered over to me and took the tie from my grip. He wrapped the tie under my collar around my neck and did it up perfectly, in one go too. When I looked in the mirror, I flattened the sides and front, then spiked up the back with my fingers. Pouting at my terrific efforts of doing my tie and hair, the clock struck 7:25. We walked out to the main house, with my school bag in one hand and Kasumi’s hand in the other.
Inside the cosy Yagomi home it was going insane, Kids shoving to use the bathroom, yelling at each other and their mother handing out packed lunches. I went over to where mum was and went to take a brown bag of goodness. A small smack on the hand told me I couldn’t have one. “Going so soon Arashi?” Kumi called from the middle of the commotion. “What!? “Mum’s eyes darted to me. Mira the youngest hugged at my legs with huge eyes. “Bye bye Rashii” he said snuggling into my leg. I ruffled his hair and said sorry. Soon I was getting hugged and kissed to death by the rest of the family. Kasumi and I walked out the front of the house, we wanted our goodbyes private. “So this is it.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “Hey, this isn’t the complete end.” “Yeah well... It’s going to be so hard without you. The flat will be so empty.” I forced a smile and pulled him close to me. Warm tears leaked down his face. “I’ll miss you” I looked deep into his dark brown eyes with my honey brown eyes. “I’ll miss you too.” In an instant he was on his tippy toes, pulling my tie and kissing me. It was deep and heavy. “I love you.” we mumbled into each other’s lips. I heard the bus pull around the corner. I gave him a quick squeeze and ran after the bus. “Do you know how lucky you are not to have a visible hicky?” He called after me.
The bus screeched to a stop and opened its doors to me. A kid’s luggage hovered above their head. Obviously the kid must have been a freshman, looked fairly young and didn’t know how to position his bag. It was almost about to fall out of the railings. One sharp corner and bam, the kid could get brain damage. Not many kids were on the bus yet. Waves came from a booth at the rear of the bus. It was Osore and Haruhi. Over the holidays they had started dating, it was rather cute. I took my seat across from them. They were both gooey eyeing each other. Haruhi blushed when Osore took her hand in his. I shuddered, Kasumi and I weren’t like this when we first started going out. I hope. The bus took a turn around the corner and there was a loud crash. A few kids had stood up to see what had happened. The freshman stumbled over to his suitcase and levered it back onto the rails. Lucky for him it hadn’t caused him brain damage.
By the time the bus rolled into the gates of Rainshore Private High School, the bus was fully loaded. I even had Sora sitting in my lap because of how little room our bus provided. Being one of the most prestigious schools, I’d of thought they would have more money for transport. Fuyu had sat beside Haruhi and Osore, while I had Miyuki and Yume beside me and Sora in my lap. Squeezing everyone into the bus was the easy part. Getting off was the hard part. “Oh joy...” Fuyu said sarcastically. “Joy? “ Sora quoted and bounced up and down in my lap. Everyone laughed, except for Miyuki. I looked at him about to ask him what was wrong when Fuyu slapped her head and groaned “We’ll never get off at this rate” “Maybe we’ll travel to China on this bus. “ That was Sora. “Not in my book” Haruhi laughed but said sternly enough to add some seriousness to it. She took hold of Fuyu’s hand with her spare one and dragged Fuyu and Osore with her off the bus threw the crowd. The bus had begun to empty out so we had room to move. Sora jumped off of me. He bowed over and extended his hands towards us like a true gentleman. Yume and I took his hands and nodded politely to him. He was mocking Haruhi‘s actions. Maybe we… I almost forgot my bag but thankfully Miyuki pelted it at me. I slipped my bag over my shoulder and grabbed his hand. “Not in my book” Sora said in a voice that was supposed to be Haruhi’s. We exploded in laughter and skipped off the bus like idiots.
“Ahh, the four amigo’s united again.” Sora flopped down onto his bed chuckling. Our stuff was already in our dorm ready to be unpacked. We’d all had shared the same dorm since we were freshmen. And we are juniors now. Each of us had decided to move the bunks against the walls. In the area that our part of the bunk covered we could decorate, for example, posters, photos and drawings. On the wall behind my pillow, I had photos of Kasumi and I. The one I liked the most of the one from the day we first met. We were both grinning ecstatically at the camera that Haruhi had held. On the wall by my side I had posters of bands that I like, random sketches of things and photos. The photos were of friends and family. I laid on my bed resting my eyes. Orientation had been a drag. It went on for 2 hours. We did revision of last terms work with the meaner of teachers and had free time with the nicer teachers. But the free time did have to be relevant to the subject. During recess and lunch we caught up with friends that we hadn’t seen over the holidays, which for me was a fair few.
Miyuki sat cross legged on his top bunk above Sora staring blankly at the wall. Miyuki had already kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned his shirt. His stomach rippled with faint abs and his chest looked firm. I mentally slapped myself. Stop thinking of Miyuki like that. I looked down to Sora. He had one shoe on and one shoe off. Not to mention the fact he was already asleep, I muffled a laugh. My eyes then looked over to Osore. He was standing at the dresser quietly polishing his violin. Osore was the quiet and shy type, also the romantic. Looking at Osore I remembered one night when it was just me and him in the dorm. He was playing his violin above me and I was drawing. Every now and then he’d stop playing and scribble something down onto his note pad. I had asked him what he was writing but all he told me was that it was nothing. Then at around twelve AM Osore had passed me his note book. I clearly remember reading his name printed on the front of a black thin note book. Each page had a date in the top corner. I had flicked threw it seeing so many things. Diary entries, poems, sheet music, drawings and songs. Once I had finally found the date I remember hearing the music in my mind first then the words that went along with it.
Dinner would be served for the boarders in the main dining room for those who wished to go. Only Osore was the one who left for dinner, he was meeting up with Haruhi. Our dorm consisted of the main room where we slept and hung out, a small kitchen and an even smaller bathroom. “Arashi… Can you make me some dinner?” Sora teased. He knew I was a terrible chef; I got an E in home economics to prove it. I just rolled my eyes at him. “Please?” He put his finger to his lips and made puppy eyes. I breathed a sigh and a laugh at the same time. I knew Sora was trying to be a flirt. “Would you like anything Miyuki?” I asked. He looked up from the book he was reading “Umm, sure.” He did a quick smile and returned to reading his book. There were 4 packets of mi goreng left. I decided to use them all. The microwave ticked away and I couldn’t help but think about Kasumi. I wonder how his first day back at school was, or what he was having for dinner, or what would we be doing if I didn’t board, or if he was thinking about me. A sigh escaped, it hadn’t even been a day and I was already missing Kasumi. He seemed so far away. Our cosy single bed back at the unit was appealing as water to someone who’s spent months in a desert. And my bunk here at the school was appealing as dirt was to the same guy from the desert.
It was 9:32 when the principle came by our dorm to turn off the light. We only had another 30 minutes of lamp light. I was drawing a cottage in the dim light of my lamp. It was almost silent in our room. Sora was once again asleep and snoring slightly. He would wear boxers and gloves to sleep every night. He explained to us that his gloves were like someone’s teddy bear. Tonight he was wearing checkered fingerless ones. The last time I had worn gloves to bed was with Kasumi. They were black with chains on them and I ended out licking stuff off of them. Miyuki was still reading the book from before, the turning of each page seemed to echo threw the room. He wore boxers and ankle socks. Osore was scribbling stuff down in his new diary that he had bought. Most likely stuff about Haruhi. Also he was listening to something on his iPod. It sounded like violin. My drawing bore me. So I put my sketch book into my bedside draw and tapped my touch lamp. 1st tap turned it on, 2nd and 3rd tap made it brighter and the 4th tap would turn it off.
I rolled over in my bed and looked at the photos behind my pillow. They made me smile. Tonight, the one of us hugging each other whilst it snowed was my favourite. That day was so cold. The thought of the freezing breeze chilled me, but then the thought of when Kasumi held me warmed me. We had driven out of town with Kumi and her boyfriend for a couple of days during winter. Where we went it was snowing and it was amazing. A thought popped into my head. I remembered that I had a new photo of Kasumi to put on my wall in my wallet. My drawer had been left ajar from when I put my sketch book in before. I stuck my hand in and felt around, searching for my wallet. Finally I found it. I took the photo out of its slip in my wallet and placed the wallet back in the drawer. It was only a small photo; I had cut it from a larger one. Accidentally I dropped it on my sheets. It floated down in slow motion. When it landed I saw the back of it. Kasumi had written something on the back of it. “Dear Arashi, you do know that it’s a bit creepy of you to have a photo of me in your wallet. Because it’s not like I have one of you or anything haha. I love you. Stay safe. Forever yours, Yoshida Kasumi .” I stuck the photo in a spare place, kissed my fingers and pressed them against his lips. I closed my eyes. All I could do now is pray for my insomnia not to play up now.
Senseless
I stood there, motionless. Only the smallest and slightest of movements. The best I could do was wiggle my toes and stuff like that. But words wouldn't leave my lips. I was wearing nothing but my boxers; they were gray and dull, just like the room we were in. We were in a gray room that had no windows, only one fluorescent light handing from the roof. The door was clearly locked and only open able from the other side. There was no escape, but it wasn’t’t like I could escape anyway. Kasumi slowly walked around me looking at my body. It was as if he was skipping, even dancing maybe to a music that only he could hear. When he stopped in front of me he took a sigh. He looked at me as if I was some sort of sick puppy left on the side of the road in the rain. His mouth was straight but sagged down at one of the corners, his eyes were wide and sad looking and his expression was pitiful.
He took my hands in his, studying them. Cuts and gashes covered my knuckles; scars were laid buried beneath them. Most of the injuries on my hands were from playing the game bloody knuckles. It involved spinning a coin and the person who made the coin fall would have it flicked against their knuckles. Other cuts were from who knows, paper cuts and scratch marks from my friends were my best guesses. Then the ones that had healed the most were made by the glass. He turned my hands over to my palms, then back over, then back again, then back over once more. Tracing along my life lines he hummed to himself. He then looked at each of my fingers. Some were more battered up then others, he took extra care as he played and looked at them. When he came to my ring finger he slowed, he didn't just take a quick look at it, and he studied it. He stroked it lightly and continued on with his examination of my other fingers. Then he looked down at my wrists. His face was pained as he studied them. I looked down too my feet, it was sort of a struggle but I did it. What was on my wrists was something no one should be proud of, I defiantly wasn't. I felt ashamed and exposed as he looked down at my wrists. The white ugly scars stared at Kasumi and he stared at them back, they could have been having a competition. His eyes flickered to each scar. It was as if he was reading why each paper thin scar was there. He lifted my arms to his face and kissed each wrist. It was soothing and felt like the scars had faded from the kisses. He guided my arms slowly back down from his face. When he lifted them back down, they had felt heavy as stone.
His eyes and hands then travelled up each of my arms. He stopped in the middle of my left arm. The deep jagged cut was looking raw. It was still healing over from the accident. I bit down on my lip from the thrashing memory of it. He put his hand over the gash and squeezed my arm reassuringly with a worried smile on his face. It relaxed me a bit but the sound of the smashing mirrors echoed. His fingers smoothed over the gash in a circular motion. Feeling it, reading it and what it seemed like to me, healing it. He applied pressure to it, making it sting a bit. I couldn't show my pain, so he didn't stop. His face looked broken as he pressed harder. He took his hand off it and replaced it was his other hand. I was seeing red; his hand was covered in blood. I tilted my head to look at my arm. It was dripping with blood. A small whispered whimper of pain left my lips. He spoke "I'm sorry" His voice was shaky and scared. I wanted to tell him it was okay but I couldn't reply. He put more pressure on it trying to stop the bleeding, soon it did stop. His hands moved to my upper arm. It felt good; unknowingly what he was doing was making me light headed. His hands were soft and light. He moved his thumb up and down. I wanted to moan a bit, but all I could do was squint my eyes.
His hands cupped my shoulders, giving them a small squeeze. He glided his fingers along my collar bones, then up my neck. Luckily I wasn't him and he was me at that moment. He would of liked it a bit too much. His fingers then went along my jaw line. He would have liked me running his fingers along his neck as much as I was liking him running his fingers along my jaw line. He smirked and lightly clawed at the back of my jaw. I bit down onto my lip and squinted a bit. He was teasing me. What was up with that? Not only that he knew it was my weak spot, he was taking advantage of my numbness. I closed my eyes more and relaxed them. They shot open quickly when I felt his breath on my jaw. Oh my lord, he wouldn't dare. Would he? I was afraid to find out. Suddenly his lips were lightly touching my jaw. So he would dare. He pressed harder against it, biting it with his lips, and then actually biting it. My fingers clamped into weak fists. Thankfully he stopped after a while of torturing me. His smirk was what was bothering me now. It was so evil yet had that innocent look to it.
He traced the outline of my cheek bones lightly. His fingers then travelled to the scratch on my cheek. Once again his face looked pained. When his fingers went over the cut it stringed greatly, even though it was the lightest touch. He then traced the outline of my lips. My mouth twitched when his finger left them. A small amount of laughter left his lips and he leaned closer to me. All I could do with blink and stare at him. His lips brushed against mine. I put in so much effort into kissing him back but it was a fail of an attempt. When his lips left mine, I felt completely pathetic. I couldn't even kiss him back, I was that weak. Kasumi went back to staring at me and examining me. He played with my hair, touched my nose and stroked my face. My body was still not connected to my mind. And I still had very, very little control over my movement.
He skipped in circles around me. Smiling and laughing, enjoying himself. He was taking advantage of this as much as he could. I felt his hands on my shoulders from behind me. They moved down my back, sort of massaging it. Then his hands got to my lower back. I hadn't seen how bad my back was for a few months but I expected it to be worse. What could his face be like seeing the bruises? Shaken? Pained? I wasn't sure, but it couldn't be good. His finger went along my back where I knew the bruises were. The bruises usually were red and purple lines that went horizontally across my lower back. He had some too, but they weren't as bad as mine. His hands then moved to where my boxers sat. He wouldn't even think of doing it to me while I was in this condition could he? I tried with all my heart to move but I just couldn't. My will wasn't strong enough. His hands softly slid to my sides. Thank the lord that he decided against doing anything too serious with me. Kasumi moved his hands up and down, feeling my sides. I sure was so lucky I wasn't him. He pulled against me and ran his hands along my waist line. I didn't know if I should have been scared or turned on. So I chose both.
His fingers slowly crept up from my waist line to my stomach. That was it, my mind couldn't take anymore. I melted instantly under his fingers. An uncalled for moan escaped me. I didn't force it out; I actually would have preferred it to stay stuck in my throat. He knew I was enjoying this and I knew he was too. His body was pressed against mine and his hands were on my stomach. They clawed at it ever so lightly, making me bite into my lip. Evil giggles were erupting from behind me, but they were followed by a sigh. His hands dropped from my stomach and he faced me. "Why aren't you doing anything?" He asked annoyed and upset. I just stared at him, trying my best for a sympathetic expression. How could I do anything? My body had very little connection to my brain. Tears began to swell up in his eyes and his face was extremely hurt. I tried to beg him not to worry but all the noise I made was a grunt. I closed my eyes and sighed. "I just can't, sorry" I was shocked to hear myself speak. It was all choked up and was full of stuttering but I hadn't put any effort into it. Kasumi's face was confused and stunned, as if I had slapped him. I looked away from him at the wall. It was blank as our minds. My eyes eventually trailed back to where he was standing. I couldn't stand ignoring him. But he was gone. I wanted to scream out, where could of he gone? Panic mode began to set in. I didn't hear him move or a door open and close. He had disappeared, all because of me.
I awoke after forever of just standing there silently screaming in my head. It would have been an hour since Kasumi disappeared from my dream. I couldn’t’t be more relived when I rubbed my face with my hand. I could move again. Tomorrow I’d be spending the night with him; it was going to be fine. My efforts on thinking about something else failed. I sat upright and took a drink of water Breathe in, exhale, breathe in, and exhale.
Endless
I was sitting at home speaking on the phone to Haruhi. We were laughing and having a good time. Talking about old times, then about the little crush she had on me before I had met Kasumi. I had thought of using her but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Jealousy always was a sweet treat to my hunger of pain. So I had made her chase me, only to find me quitting when she finally had her chance to get me. Pain.... Didn't matter what type of pain, if it was mine or someone else’s, physical or mental. It didn't change the fact it felt good to me. I quit physically self harming though, my sister and friends had begged me to stop. But the mental hurting and hurting of others was more often. Haruhi and I continued speaking. She pretended to be British and I pretended to be Indian. We both erupted in laughter from this. We were completely terrible. Eventually after an hour of joking around she disconnected randomly. I called her back only getting voice mail. Phone must have died. I switched on the television and watched some children shows. My eyes closed and I fell to sleep ignoring the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kumi was screaming at me, I awoke startled. She slapped my face, using her nails to scratch it at as her hand burned my cheek. Something in my gut felt terribly wrong. She was in tears and laughing hysterically. I told her to calm down and took her by the arms, stopping anymore slaps. She looked at me like I was off my head and had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't. For 1, I couldn't understand what she was saying and 2, she hadn't told me. I finally got her to spit something out that wasn't a complete jumble of words "Did you break up with Kasumi?!?!" She screamed at me. I shook my head, in answer to her question and disbelief she'd asked it. "What the hell did you do to him then?" I looked at her. It looked as if someone had taken part of her away. She was so pale, like someone had died. My mind snapped. "Kasumi! Is he okay?!?!" I was on my feet. I was screaming and crying like she was. I was afraid. She whispered the one thing I feared above all other "He's dead..." I collapsed to the floor, shouting "No! I don't believe you. You're lying to me!" She soon joined me on the floor. "It's true... I'm so sorry" Her tears had stopped but her eyes were hollow and she was still pale. "Where is he?" I asked in desperation of seeing him one last time. This couldn't be goodbye.
I raced up the hill, counting each step I took. It seemed to of taken forever. My eyes and mind were as clouded as the sky above me. I saw a small body lying in a heap under our tree surrounded by a pool of blood. There was a knife soaked in blood by his hand. I ran to him and fell to the floor next to him clinging to him, saying how much I loved him and that he promised he'd be with me forever. I felt small movement from his chest. He was still breathing. It was weak and harsh. Blood was still spilling from his neck. My tears fell heavy onto his body. There was nothing I could do. My mind was numb; I didn't want to believe such a thing could happen. I looked at our weeping willow to find answers or something. Our mark we had was scribbled over. It wasn't done by a knife it looked like it had been done by someone’s finger nails. There was a bloody hand print right next to it about the size of his. I looked down at Kasumi's hands; they were both covered heavily in blood. I took one of his hands and put it on the left side of my chest, so he'd know I was with him. It didn't fall instantly as I let it go. It held there for a few seconds but slowly fell to the floor. "Ara.." He was choking on blood as he tried to say my name. I wanted answers but he wouldn't be able to get them out. I took his body in my arms and held onto him. I cried and tried to speak. "I love you Kasumi. And I made a promise to myself, that if you were to die in my arms I'd die with you." Kasumi was my life, without him I wouldn't be able to go on. I was worthless and nothing without him. I kissed him; he put as much effort as he could in kissing me back. While we kissed I took the knife in my hands and I lunged it deep into my heart. Feeling the cold blade pierce threw my skin. It felt like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was amazing. Blood spilled from my wound and my mouth. Along with the words "I love you." This was the end. The end of my misery, I was finally going to be resting in peace.
It felt as if I was lighter and rising from the ground. Soon I could see my body holding onto Kasumi. We were both dead. Maybe just I was. I wasn't sure. That's when I saw him rise from his body. But he didn't stop. He just kept rising and rising. His neck was healed and his clothes were free of blood. I looked down at my chest. There was a gaping puncture wound and blood was staining my clothes. I heard Kasumi's voice trail behind him "I love you" His voice was soft and beautiful. Why wasn't I being sucked into the underworld? Was I so bad I didn't even deserve to go there? I was Earth bound and stuck suffering along with my family and friends. I watched our bodies. The pool of blood surrounding us had stop growing and our wounds had stopped gushing blood. Hours past, I just sat there and watched our still bodies. Police and Ambos' finally turned up. Kumi and Rin had run out of the cop car in a mess of tears and screams. They both separated our bodies and held onto us. When our bodies parted it felt as if another knife went through my chest, just to make sure I was dead. Kumi was holding Kasumi and Rin were holding me. I felt my chest getting wetter and hotter as they pulled our bodies further apart. My chest was still dripping wet with blood. What was I reduced to? A numb body stuck on Earth to be tortured. Not wanted by heaven or hell? Great. I was an outcast. Kumi's face suddenly looked puzzled. She guided Kasumi's body to the ground. Rin watched on, still with my body in her arms. My eyes followed Kumi's hand. It reached into his jacket pocket. She retrieved a blood soaked piece of folded paper.
Kumi's voice was clear, but vacant. She recited each word as if they were written for the president. Each word made my chest wetter and redder. I put no effort into trying to stop the bleeding. I just wanted to try to listen. The wail of the ambulance and coppers was drowning in the background. A small crowd had gathered to see what was happening but the police had ushered them away. Kasumi's note consisted of goodbyes to family and friends, a poem about lies, guilt of his past, memories we shared together and ending that was signed with "I'll love you always and forever." Silent tears streamed down Rin's and Kumi's faces. I couldn't cry. My eyes were like stone. The police had to pull Rin away from my body; I was the second brother to leave her. Kumi said goodbye to Kasumi with a small peck on his forehead. Times passed as quickly as I watched the ambos’ cover up our bodies and take them away.
I was very much so alone. Even if I stood in the main street of a city, I'd still be alone. Without Kasumi life was meaningless. So all I could do was stand around watching innocent people being tortured. Rin, Kyo, Ryuusei, Mum and Dad were all grieving the loss of me. Not that I was much of a loss. They had prepared for it years before when Mika had broken my heart. Kumi, the rest of Kasumi's family and I was grieving over him. Both our parents had hatred towards each other. Blaming each other’s son for killing their own. Kumi and Rin suffered the worse though. Not only losing their brother but their best friends. But they both kept smiling, because they knew we wanted to both die together.
I watched my funeral happen. Not many people attended. Just family and a few close friends. Rin, Kumi and Fuyu all cried silently as the guys held straight faces with small twitches in their lips. Miyuki was the first to shed a tear, and then came Sora, and then Osore. I sat in the back row of the church away from their pointless tears. They weren't going to bring me back and I didn't need sympathy. I was better off dead if his heart wasn't beating. They showed a few of my drawings at my viewing and a few people made speeches. Saying how amazing I was, what pitiful lies. Rin talked about how much I was like a hero. Surviving the most hardest of things. Always putting a smile on just to make people happy even if I wasn't. And then she quoted my poem “Here I scream alone in my head. My shirt stained with shades of red, shaking with every touch. Glowing red within the cut. Lying now on the cold floor. But craving my blood and wanting more. Evil thoughts of suicide. Telling you all I'm sorry I lied. Now my eyes fade into gray. I took my life tonight what more could I say.” I had written that poem during therapy when I was 13. One of my favourite piano tunes flooded threw the church. Yume was playing it and everyone was silent. I hummed the piece and ended in a breakdown of tears. My chest still held a huge gaping hole where the knife had entered and somehow removed my heart. "So beautiful" A voice sang out softly from next to me. It was Arisa; she was so young when she lost herself. Her body was deeply scarred from the fire. There was still also a neat bullet hole in her right temple. It was clean, but it looked like it went on forever. Aoyagi Arisa had killed herself because she had no one left in the world. It was Christmas time and her whole family was over. Aunts, uncles and cousins, nephews and nieces, brothers and sisters, her mum and dad and both of her grandparents. The entire family. The house had caught lit and went up in flame. She was the only one to survive. She went mute until the day of her death, her last words were "I can’t take these memories that haunt me anymore” and she pulled the trigger. "I wish my funeral was as peaceful as yours" She said in a dreamy voice. The entire class had attended her funeral and so did most the town. "Arisa, why are we still here. Why didn't we go up or down?" I asked. Her face was soft as she thought. She got up onto her feet and extender her hand out to me. I took it and stood myself up "Well, I think it's because we died because the people who were our life died." She answered me back again in her dreamy voice. "You aren't the only one like you I have met in this second life" She giggled and we left the funeral home.
Days wore on, taking forever but going so fast. Soon it was the date of his funeral. I got Arisa to clean me up. There was still a huge hole in my chest where my heart should have been but I didn't care. If I looked into the hole, I could see my future at the end, if there was an end. Well that is what Arisa said anyway. She carried on about the weird spirits of other people she had met. How they all had died either in place of someone they loved, like stopping a bullet for them or because of someone they loved, like killing themselves over loss or because the one they loved had died too like what happened to us. We stood glancing over his coffin. I took one look at his face and fell to the floor next to it. It had been a month since the last time I had seen Kasumi, which was one of the loneliest and worst time of my ‘life‘. The church soon was over crowding with people. Other spirits had drifted in to see what all the commotion was about. But they left after a few glances around. I listened to the speeches people made about Kasumi. They were all so honest and true. Kumi recited the same poem that was in the note. Her eyes were empty when she had finished. She must have spent nights reading the poem, because she knew it off by heart. Rin eventually stood up to make a speech. She clearly hadn't planned on making one. Her opening line was her motto "Everything happens for a reason." Her voice cracked at the end of her opening line. She was strong and didn't usually show her emotions. But she continued on looking at the crowd. "Kasumi saved my little brother. From depression, killing himself for her and dying alone." She had said her like she had venom in her mouth "On that tragic day, my brother and best friend died too. Before that he had made a promise that he and Kasumi would die together." Her speech was full of pauses. Finally it came to the end. "Everything happens for a reason. No matter how stupid it seems, it meant something to someone. Also good will come from it, but also will bad. Thank you “Arisa sniffled next to me and whispered "Well, wasn't that inspiring?"
Limitless
We walked slowly up the hill to the old weeping willow. Smiling and enjoying ourselves. Stopping just to see the smallest of things, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Stopping to make a wish on a dandelion. Stopping to look at water droplets on spider webs, leaves and flowers. Stopping just to look into each other’s eyes. We soon reached the willow and sat under it. Each second that past by we wished was longer yet it felt like we were there forever. He lied in my lap looking onto the horizon. My arms wrapped around him, shielding him from any danger. I was prepared to jump in front of a bullet for him. I could feel his heart beat and him breathing. Feeling life in its simplest forms, a heartbeat and breathing is a magical thing. It was amazing to feel him living. The sun set over the horizon in pinks and oranges. But we didn't leave, we watched the sunset until it was a small glow in the distance and the sky was almost pitch black.
I carried my guitar up the hill. Continuously looking over my shoulder for him. He was nowhere in sight. I sat under the tree looking into the clear azure sky. The cool spring breeze softly greeted me every so often and I greeted it back with a gentle smile. My hands slowly played the strings on my guitar. Simple chords carried through the air with no true meaning. Some songs I had actually learnt, some songs I guessed at and some songs of my own. I had my eyes closed when I heard my name being called. I didn't need to open my eyes to know it was him. He sat down next to me eager to listen to my music. I played a familiar song and he hummed along. Soon our voices sang out. We were singing to ourselves but to each other at the same time. Maybe it was because we felt that we were one. The guitar was passed between us numerous times, playing beautiful music. Our voices sung the parts that we knew and we just listened for the parts we didn't. Soon we ran out of songs to sing and play. So we decided to go home. We said our silent goodbye to the willow and left. Hand in hand.
Soft clouds loomed over head. As I walked up the hill I saw him waiting under the tree. I got closer and saw a knife in his hands. Flashes of the many times I had used a knife on myself under that tree rushed through my mind. Soon I had joined him under the tree. I eyed the knife, scared to think of what he was going to do with it. I asked what it was for and he answered with one word "Watch” He carved his initials into the tree and passed the knife to me. As soon as the knife left his hand it burned my skin. The knife fell to the floor and he let out a small gasp. He gave me a reassuring smile and passed the knife to me again but not letting go. Putting it in my hand, he held his hand on top of mine and the knife. Together we carved my initials into the tree. I pressed my lips against his and we finished the letters off with a heart around it. This tree was officially ours.
I met him waiting for me at the bottom of the hill on a wooden bench. He stood up and we said our hellos. A soft kiss was shared before we set off for our willow. He held my hand like it was something special. Like it meant something, it did. His grip on my hand was strong but it felt soft. Our fingers fitted perfectly between one another despite the size difference. As we walked we swayed and talked about just stuff. He soon stopped me in my tracks with a statement. "I doubt you could carry me" Laughter filled the atmosphere to his silly guess. I stood in front him and bent my knees. His little body leapt onto my back. He had his hands around my neck and legs around my waist. My hands had to grip at his thighs so he wouldn't slip down. Giggles came from above me. I began to spin in circles and leaning over. This all had to do with trust. Maybe a bit of playfulness and showing off too, it didn't hurt anyone so whatever. He squealed with joy as I sprinted up the hill effortlessly. Within moments we were at the top of the hill. I stopped under the tree and let him down. There were more clouds in the sky and they were darker today, but that couldn't stop his smile from glowing and brightening up my day.
Time passed as I waited for him under our tree. It was raining lightly and the sky was dark but that shouldn't have stopped him from coming. I switched on my iPod putting it on shuffle but I didn't find anything satisfying. The sky rocked with thunder and the rain came down harder. I pulled my hoodie over my head protecting my face from the rain. I was getting worried. Maybe he though I wouldn't come because of the rain? Or maybe he just isn't coming because of the rain. A small dark figure rose from the mist at the bottom of the hill. My body tightened but then loosened when I saw it was him. His face was dripping wet and so were his clothes. I stood up and walked quickly over to him. He fell into my arms trembling. Our lips met and thunder sounded. His body quivered under my hands. I had to hold onto him tighter to protect him. The rain was sliding down our faces, getting into our mouths and being a nonsense. Lightening sparkled in the distance and our bodies and lips separated. His face was terror struck, it broke my heart. His eyes were studying at my neck. On the side was a thin scar, it was still new and healing over. He cupped his hand on my neck where the scar laid, it was warm but shaking. Either from the storm or concern, hopefully the storm. His other hand wrapped around my neck and he pulled me close. Our lips met once again. I walked backwards carefully, trying not to break our embrace. I searched blindly for the cover of the tree. I tripped over a root and fell. He fell on top of me but he was small enough that it didn't hurt. We kissed even more deeply each second. My hands pulled at his damp hair and he had me pinned to the ground. Our tongues traced along each others. The rain making it hot and wet. More lightening sparkled in the distance and more thunder rocked the skies. We ignored what was happening around us, our main focus was on each other.
The rain had stopped but the sky was still cloudy. We laid under the weeping willow. His head on my chest. He listened to my slow heart beat. I could feel his warm breath threw my shirt. He was wearing my freshly cleaned hoodie, unknowingly making it smell safe and nice. He began to sing a song in Spanish. It sounded beautiful. I stroked his hair and he kissed my chest. My eyes shot open. He didn't know how good that felt and he wasn’t going to. He already knew of my other week spots, my jaw and stomach. My arms and chest were unknown to him. I knew of his weak spots, his neck, sides, waist line and thighs. Kasumi made sleepish sounds. Clawing at my shirt, he closed his eyes. Soon he was asleep. I wonder what he could be dreaming about. My eyes rested and my arms cradled his body. I drifted into a light sleep waking every now and then checking if he was still there safe in my arms.
I smiled to myself as I walked up the hill. I had left early to meet him, I couldn't stand waiting at home. I whistled a little tune just to show how happy I was. I saw a shape at the top of the hill that was too large to be Kasumi. Was someone else using our spot? I snuck up slowly and quietly trying to be unheard. I soon had a good view. Too my disgust and horror I saw Mika. What was she doing there! I thought she moved from town. Rage had taken over me and fury filled my veins. I was seeing red. What on Earth was she doing here? Out of all places. Under the tree we had shared all those years ago. I didn't even notice what she was doing when I came out of hiding and started yelling at her. Her tongue was down Kasumi's throat. Time froze. His eyes opened and looked empty when they looked at me. Anger burned in his eyes and he started yelling at me. "You were using me the whole time, two timing me and lying. I loved you! How could you be so shallow? You said you had changed, you said you weren't a whore anymore! It was all one big lie!" Tears were streaming down his face. I looked at Mika she was smiling to herself. She clearly had planned this.
I awoke screaming and crying. I had a cold sweat and the shakes. The image of her kissing him kept on reappearing every time I closed my eyes. It was replaying over and over again in my head, just to torture me. Hours went by, but I was too afraid to go back to sleep in case the nightmare would return. I hated not being with Kasumi. Eventually my will wasn't enough to keep me awake. In defeat and exhaustion my body went into a deep, thankfully dreamless sleep.
Prologue
I lay in my bed, listening to the rain lightly patter against my window in the breeze. It’s almost late spring. Darkness fills the room, only a small crack of light coming from under my door and a bright green digital clock illuminates the outline of the main items in my room. My room had been completely sound proofed; everyone can sleep through my night terrors without being awoken. I look over to my bedside where my clock sat. 11:11, maybe I should make a wish, just for luck. So I wished to have a dreamless night for a change. I cuddled at my blankets and sheets. My bed felt so big and empty. I pictured Kasumi sleeping sweetly next to me. Those were the only nights I’d sleep in peace; the ones with him at my side. I knew that it was nearly Friday, which meant I would be able to hold him while we slept. That settled me. Rin had urged me to not take a sleeping pill tonight for I didn’t need one. She told me that if I take them too often they’d slowly begin not to work, so I should only take them when I needed to. I took the note that Kasumi had written for me to read whenever I couldn’t sleep. It read “Dear Arashi, where ever you are. I want you to know I’m thinking of you. You are the first thing I think of when I awake and the last thing I think of when I go to rest. I love you, and goodnight - Kasumi.” He had kissed it after he had written it. So I pecked it lightly, sort of saying I love you back. I closed my eyes and slowly plunged into unconsciousness.
The Introduction
Where on Earth do I begin?
My name is Itō Arashi, soon to be Yoshida Arashi. That sounded too formal… I was born on the 14th of February, Valentine’s Day, 17 years ago. I’m a brunette and brown eyed. I stand at 6’2 and weigh in at 136lbs. Where I live is at an old beach side town. I live with my fiancé and his family. I call their granny flat home, when I’m not boarding at school or staying with mum. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with insomnia. Since I was in diapers I have had two best friends, Kiryu Fuyu and Hashiba Miyuki. My dear sister and also best friend is Itō Rin who was born on the 15th of March, 18 years ago. My brother who I hate to love is Itō Kyoshoku who was born on the 21st of July, 20 years ago. And my other dear sister Itō Ryuusei was born on the 4th of June, 22 years ago. Itō Tsukiko passed away 3 days after he was born on the 19th of December, 15 years ago. My mother, Itō Ai, was a kind lady at heart but she always would have her way. My father, Itō Kyoshoku, was a stern man, but quite easily satisfied by mum’s tasteful meals. Our parents had been together since high school, until 6 years ago when they got divorced. Mum had had an affair. It didn’t last long, only a night. She had just a little bit too much to drink and made the wrong decision. The only evidence of the affair was the pregnancy. Although in her mind, I was the silver lining of the affair. Being the person she was she kept the child, but also being the person she was, she didn’t tell Dad all the details. She actually wasn’t sure who was the father, until Valentine’s Day 17 years ago when I opened my eyes for the first time. The only things Mum can remember about my real Dad is that he had my eyes, tanned skin and a strong accent, also he was visiting our town from Sydney. Dad found out about the affair when I was 12. That’s when I had hit puberty; I had completely no characteristics that neither Dad nor Kyo had. One day I’d like to meet my real dad, but not now.
Also at the time of the divorce, I had a beautiful girlfriend named Fujioka Mika. We had been together since I started attending school. For I had grown up on a farm and was home schooled, I didn’t start school until grade 5. Anyway, I could have sworn Mika was the one. But I was wrong, extremely wrong. A bit after the divorce, when I needed her the most, I had found her on our hill kissing another boy. She told me that I had never meant anything to her and I had found out she had cheated on me continuously over the time we were together. After that I had gotten depression and attempted suicide. After a year of grieving and pointless counseling, I thought I should finally turn my life around. And by that I meant go wild. I took drugs, smoked, drank, self harmed and did things no 13 year old should; anything to take the pain away that I was feeling. I was a fairly good looking kid though. I was one of “those guys“the bad boys. I had cheated on any girl who’d go out with me then dumped them after one week. Just for my own amusement. This lasted until I was 15, on the 15th of May. One of the nights when I was raging at age 14, I met a boy named Utsunomiya Shun. We were at a gathering, drinking, smoking and playing truth or dare. But this was no ordinary truth or dare, it had no rules. If we were dared to run down the street naked, we’d have to do it. Half way through my 4th can of Bundy he got dared to kiss me. Shun was an openly bisexual guy and I had been bitten by the curiosity bug, mainly because of my addiction of breaking people’s hearts. So we went through with the dare. He was the first guy I kissed. The kiss caused an epiphany. It was hot and tasted strongly of cigarettes and beer, but his cold tongue ring made it ecstatic. That’s when I started exploring the closet, not looking for Narnia but the way out. So soon I was openly bisexual guy like Shun. I've never engaged with Shun since that night, but I have seen him around. Now that I was bisexual, I didn’t only break girls’ hearts, but I broke guys and turned straight guys bisexual or even gay. My hobbies included making girls drop their panties and lifting their shirts, dating multiple people at one time and making boys get on their knees and beg for more. I was such a whore. That went on for a while, and then I met Yoshida Kasumi.
Oh and when I met Kasumi, it sparked. Not like a small spark, but a big one, big enough to cause a fire. It was a nice day out and I was flirting with my friend Hino Haruhi. I had no intention of breaking her heart though, only making her chase. That’s when Haruhi invited some friends to come to the cinema with us. One of those friends was Kasumi. I didn’t know anything about Kasumi, only that he was a new edition to our town. He came from the city which was 200k’s east. Soon I had found out he was living with his best friend Yagomi Kumiko who‘s parents adopted Kasumi after the accident. It turned out that Kasumi and I were very much alike. But we had no clue about this. On the day we went to the cinema, Kasumi was contemplating whether he was gay or bisexual. Since that day, he had told me I was the one who helped him with his decision. When we met, we both had the same thing in mind. “He will be my next boy toy” and with that in mind, we got talking and flirting. Within days, I began to think “actually he won’t be my boy toy, I’ll give love a try again” Then a week later, we kissed. That kiss, was the beginning of my savoir. A lot of things have changed since then, like I don’t cut anymore, we both don’t do drugs or smoke and I no longer have a drinking problem. I have stopped the cheating game, never touched another soul and that childish crush I had on him turned into love. We have been together ever since that kiss 2 years ago.
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