Senseless

I stood there, motionless. Only the smallest and slightest of movements. The best I could do was wiggle my toes and stuff like that. But words wouldn't leave my lips. I was wearing nothing but my boxers; they were gray and dull, just like the room we were in. We were in a gray room that had no windows, only one fluorescent light handing from the roof. The door was clearly locked and only open able from the other side. There was no escape, but it wasn’t’t like I could escape anyway. Kasumi slowly walked around me looking at my body. It was as if he was skipping, even dancing maybe to a music that only he could hear. When he stopped in front of me he took a sigh. He looked at me as if I was some sort of sick puppy left on the side of the road in the rain. His mouth was straight but sagged down at one of the corners, his eyes were wide and sad looking and his expression was pitiful.

He took my hands in his, studying them. Cuts and gashes covered my knuckles; scars were laid buried beneath them. Most of the injuries on my hands were from playing the game bloody knuckles. It involved spinning a coin and the person who made the coin fall would have it flicked against their knuckles. Other cuts were from who knows, paper cuts and scratch marks from my friends were my best guesses. Then the ones that had healed the most were made by the glass. He turned my hands over to my palms, then back over, then back again, then back over once more. Tracing along my life lines he hummed to himself. He then looked at each of my fingers. Some were more battered up then others, he took extra care as he played and looked at them. When he came to my ring finger he slowed, he didn't just take a quick look at it, and he studied it. He stroked it lightly and continued on with his examination of my other fingers. Then he looked down at my wrists. His face was pained as he studied them. I looked down too my feet, it was sort of a struggle but I did it. What was on my wrists was something no one should be proud of, I defiantly wasn't. I felt ashamed and exposed as he looked down at my wrists. The white ugly scars stared at Kasumi and he stared at them back, they could have been having a competition. His eyes flickered to each scar. It was as if he was reading why each paper thin scar was there. He lifted my arms to his face and kissed each wrist. It was soothing and felt like the scars had faded from the kisses. He guided my arms slowly back down from his face. When he lifted them back down, they had felt heavy as stone.

His eyes and hands then travelled up each of my arms. He stopped in the middle of my left arm. The deep jagged cut was looking raw. It was still healing over from the accident. I bit down on my lip from the thrashing memory of it. He put his hand over the gash and squeezed my arm reassuringly with a worried smile on his face. It relaxed me a bit but the sound of the smashing mirrors echoed. His fingers smoothed over the gash in a circular motion. Feeling it, reading it and what it seemed like to me, healing it. He applied pressure to it, making it sting a bit. I couldn't show my pain, so he didn't stop. His face looked broken as he pressed harder. He took his hand off it and replaced it was his other hand. I was seeing red; his hand was covered in blood. I tilted my head to look at my arm. It was dripping with blood. A small whispered whimper of pain left my lips. He spoke "I'm sorry" His voice was shaky and scared. I wanted to tell him it was okay but I couldn't reply. He put more pressure on it trying to stop the bleeding, soon it did stop. His hands moved to my upper arm. It felt good; unknowingly what he was doing was making me light headed. His hands were soft and light. He moved his thumb up and down. I wanted to moan a bit, but all I could do was squint my eyes.

His hands cupped my shoulders, giving them a small squeeze. He glided his fingers along my collar bones, then up my neck. Luckily I wasn't him and he was me at that moment. He would of liked it a bit too much. His fingers then went along my jaw line. He would have liked me running his fingers along his neck as much as I was liking him running his fingers along my jaw line. He smirked and lightly clawed at the back of my jaw. I bit down onto my lip and squinted a bit. He was teasing me. What was up with that?  Not only that he knew it was my weak spot, he was taking advantage of my numbness. I closed my eyes more and relaxed them. They shot open quickly when I felt his breath on my jaw. Oh my lord, he wouldn't dare. Would he? I was afraid to find out. Suddenly his lips were lightly touching my jaw. So he would dare. He pressed harder against it, biting it with his lips, and then actually biting it. My fingers clamped into weak fists. Thankfully he stopped after a while of torturing me. His smirk was what was bothering me now. It was so evil yet had that innocent look to it.

He traced the outline of my cheek bones lightly. His fingers then travelled to the scratch on my cheek. Once again his face looked pained. When his fingers went over the cut it stringed greatly, even though it was the lightest touch.  He then traced the outline of my lips. My mouth twitched when his finger left them. A small amount of laughter left his lips and he leaned closer to me. All I could do with blink and stare at him. His lips brushed against mine. I put in so much effort into kissing him back but it was a fail of an attempt. When his lips left mine, I felt completely pathetic. I couldn't even kiss him back, I was that weak. Kasumi went back to staring at me and examining me. He played with my hair, touched my nose and stroked my face. My body was still not connected to my mind. And I still had very, very little control over my movement.

He skipped in circles around me. Smiling and laughing, enjoying himself. He was taking advantage of this as much as he could. I felt his hands on my shoulders from behind me. They moved down my back, sort of massaging it. Then his hands got to my lower back. I hadn't seen how bad my back was for a few months but I expected it to be worse. What could his face be like seeing the bruises? Shaken? Pained? I wasn't sure, but it couldn't be good. His finger went along my back where I knew the bruises were. The bruises usually were red and purple lines that went horizontally across my lower back. He had some too, but they weren't as bad as mine. His hands then moved to where my boxers sat. He wouldn't even think of doing it to me while I was in this condition could he? I tried with all my heart to move but I just couldn't. My will wasn't strong enough. His hands softly slid to my sides. Thank the lord that he decided against doing anything too serious with me. Kasumi moved his hands up and down, feeling my sides. I sure was so lucky I wasn't him. He pulled against me and ran his hands along my waist line. I didn't know if I should have been scared or turned on. So I chose both.

His fingers slowly crept up from my waist line to my stomach. That was it, my mind couldn't take anymore. I melted instantly under his fingers. An uncalled for moan escaped me. I didn't force it out; I actually would have preferred it to stay stuck in my throat. He knew I was enjoying this and I knew he was too. His body was pressed against mine and his hands were on my stomach. They clawed at it ever so lightly, making me bite into my lip. Evil giggles were erupting from behind me, but they were followed by a sigh. His hands dropped from my stomach and he faced me. "Why aren't you doing anything?" He asked annoyed and upset. I just stared at him, trying my best for a sympathetic expression. How could I do anything? My body had very little connection to my brain. Tears began to swell up in his eyes and his face was extremely hurt. I tried to beg him not to worry but all the noise I made was a grunt. I closed my eyes and sighed. "I just can't, sorry" I was shocked to hear myself speak. It was all choked up and was full of stuttering but I hadn't put any effort into it. Kasumi's face was confused and stunned, as if I had slapped him. I looked away from him at the wall. It was blank as our minds. My eyes eventually trailed back to where he was standing. I couldn't stand ignoring him. But he was gone. I wanted to scream out, where could of he gone? Panic mode began to set in. I didn't hear him move or a door open and close. He had disappeared, all because of me.

I awoke after forever of just standing there silently screaming in my head. It would have been an hour since Kasumi disappeared from my dream. I couldn’t’t be more relived when I rubbed my face with my hand. I could move again. Tomorrow I’d be spending the night with him; it was going to be fine. My efforts on thinking about something else failed. I sat upright and took a drink of water Breathe in, exhale, breathe in, and exhale.